Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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