Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
