I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
