I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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