I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
