I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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