Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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