But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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