Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
