Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
