I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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