just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
