I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
