rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
