Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
