God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
