Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
