We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
