Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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