My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
