I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
