I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
