what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
