if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
