Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
