shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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