what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
