Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
