Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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