Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
