so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
