Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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