The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
