He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
