Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am one with the molecules
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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