I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
