Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
