no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
