He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
