You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
