i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
