fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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