He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
