Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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