we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
