JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
