I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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