I love having hate sex.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
