I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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