I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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