You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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