I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
